How to ruin a nice night
out...
Waiter : “Your baby sitter is on the
telephone sir.”
Diner : “What does she want?”
Waiter : “She wants to know where you
keep the fire extinguisher.”
It’s the AGN of a troubled
City of
Secretary : “Mr
Chairman, the treasurer is on the phone with his financial report.
Will you accept the charges
for his long-distance call from
I say...I say...I say...
“Can you telephone from a
Concorde?”
“Of course. Anybody can tell a ‘phone
from a Concorde.”
Napoleon, at the Russian
front, dictating a reply to a letter from Josephine :
“Kindly stop nagging me and
let me enjoy the war in peace.”
Short, fat, bald playboy’s
chat-up line:
“How would you like to
accompany me and my wallet on a night on the town?”
Contented wife
: “It’s wonderful how many labour-saving devices there are on
the market today.”
Overworked husband
: “Yes, but I’ve got to labour all hours that
God sends to
pay for them.”
Art connoisseur
:
“Rembrandt painted 700
pictures and 7000 of them have been collected by
wealthy Americans.”
Secretary to hung-over boss : “Did you have a good time
last night?”
Boss : “I’m not sure. All I know is
that today is one of those days because last
night was one of those nights.”
Soldier in the Foreign
Legion, reminiscing to a colleague :
“I joined the Legion
twenty-five years ago to forget about Mildred Eileen Seeger,
of Flat 2c, Peabody Buildings,
Very old bemedalled soldier
to another very old, bemedalled soldier :
“Tell me, Carruthers,
was it me or my brother who was killed at
A scene at
Wife : “I hope we can get all these
cases on the plane.”
Husband : “I just wish we’d brought
the piano with us as well.”
Wife : “This is no time for joking.”
Husband : “I’m not joking. Our tickets
are on top of it.”